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Even in a world where online dating has become the norm and it's now possible to skip the tiring process of scouring bars and events for other singles in order to get a date, sometimes it's just the thought of going on the date that's tiring. No matter what kind of encounter you plan, it will always require some sort of physical effort.
We're going to put this simply: we all have sexual needs, and sometimes we'd just like to satisfy those needs with human connection that doesn't require the extra effort of meeting someone in person. For that, we have sexting.
Sexting is the act art of sending sexually explicit photos or messages to one or more people. And there are apps specifically for sexting as well as sexting features in apps that are otherwise for dating in person. (Several dating apps began offering more virtual services as a result of the pandemic.)
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Sexting tips
If you’re considering downloading a dating app for the purpose of sexting, it's important to remember a few basic rules. Yes, there are certainly fewer inhibitions than using a typical dating app to find a potential romantic partner, but there’s still a standard set of boundaries and rules of etiquette you should follow in order for all parties to feel at ease.
No app can completely protect your privacy for you — that's your job. Though apps like Confide and Dust have certain features that are designed to protect your identity/content, they don't rule out all scenarios. For example, someone doesn't need to take a screenshot to capture a picture you send. They could easily just use another phone or device to snap or record whatever you send. You should always keep this in mind before sending anything that could be compromising, and do your best to make sure you trust the person who's receiving your messages.
Assess the situation and know your audience. Usually it doesn't take much more than a few pre-sext texts (or pre-sexts) to gauge whether or not someone is interested in doing the cyber-dirty with you. Take the time to figure that out before you lead with something raunchy and uncalled-for. AKA don't just start throwing dick pics at people left and right if they didn't ask.
Be respectful: Privacy is sacred. The internet has the scary ability to make fleeting moments very permanent. If someone asks you to keep something to yourself, you'd better do it. While sexting can be light and fun, it also requires a serious level of trust. If you betray that trust, you're ruining it for everybody.
Sexting vs. dating in real life
Real-life dating is obviously the best way to get to know somebody long-term, especially if you're looking for any kind of serious, in-person relationship. And real sex will always be better than sexting. *However,* sexting is an alternative that may help you out in ways you didn't even think about.
Convenience: Whether you plan on actually wining and dining your date or just meeting to hook up, it always requires some extra effort. For those with super hectic schedules or those who just don't have room in their life (for whatever reason) for a steady in-person relationship, sexting is practically a saving grace. After all, your sex drive doesn't go away just because you're busy. Sexting allows you to take care of your sexual needs without putting yourself out.
Freedom: As is the case with most behind-the-screen activities, with sexting, you can let go of your inhibitions a bit and feel more comfortable exploring your sexual side knowing there's a certain barrier between you and the other person. You can experiment with language and ideas that maybe you wouldn’t feel completely comfortable exploring in person.
Safety: We've touched on the reasons why sexting might not be completely safe in terms of privacy, but to its credit, sexting offers an element of safety that in-person meetings don't. Sexting allows you to interact with both people you know and total strangers without putting yourself in dangerous or unwanted physical situations. Your experience should always be what you want it to be, and with sexting, if it's not going in the direction you want, it's just a matter of closing an app.
Exploring trust and intimacy: Getting comfortable with another person in close quarters doesn’t always come naturally for everyone — but opting for sexting gives way to a new level of exploration in terms of intimacy and trust. You don’t ever have to meet the person behind the screen if you don’t want to, but being able to practice feeling vulnerable without any strings attached can be a great lesson in being more open.
Fun: Let’s be honest for a second here. A night of sexting is always going to be a lot more fun than endlessly swiping right on a dating app and starting the same conversation over and over. Having the option of opening an app on your phone and engaging in a little virtual foreplay offers instant gratification and (almost) guaranteed pleasure.
What to look for in a sexting app
Privacy features: What happens in a sexting app doesn’t always stay in a sexting app; there are no guarantees that your conversations or selfies won’t wind up screenshot on someone’s phone. That said, certain apps do delete photos and conversations after a certain amount of time if you’re hoping to try to help lessen the chances of something getting leaked.
Safety: If you’re looking for a night of no-strings-attached fun online, it doesn’t really matter all too much if the person on the other end of your conversation has been verified — but if you do want to ensure you’re not being catfished or chatting with a bot, consider an app that links social media or verifies users.
Ease of use: You don’t want to find yourself in a hot and steamy conversation trying to figure out how to attach an image or a voice note. When it comes to sexting, the more user-friendly the platform is, the better. You’ll want something that’s efficient and fast.
Subscription pricing versus free features: How much are you willing to pay for bells and whistles? There are many apps out there that charge a couple of dollars a month for premium features if you’re looking for something a little more catered to your interests, but just as many offer excellent free platforms.
The best dating apps for sexting
Since sexting, by nature, comes with a lot of factors to consider (consent and privacy, for example), we've picked out the best sexting apps to get you off — to a good start, that is. Our number one spot goes to Plenty of Fish for covering the most bases. Its huge pool of singles and strategic new conversation features put it at the top. For privacy-wary sexters, our favorite is Confide, which we like for their Screenshield technology. (More on that later.) Here are the best sexting apps for all your NSFW exchanges.
Grindr
“You gay bro?”
“Nah just here to network”
Who’s on it? Lots of people. Grindr is international, and guys use it to network and chat as often as they use it to actually facilitate a hook up. At the very least it’s a great way to figure out if that guy at the gym is gay or not.
Best for? Scoping out the scene in a new town, flirting for weeks with someone you’ll never meet, getting catfished.
Downsides? Upgrading to Grindr Unlimited is a jaw dropping TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE DOLLARS per year, money which could alternatively go towards...I don’t know a plane ticket somewhere cool? Like, 75 separate OnlyFans subscriptions? A very welcome donation to the charity of your choice?
Sniffies
“looking?”
“yeah”
“come over”
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Who’s on it? Sniffies is a pretty mixed crowd. DL, bi, married, and curious guys are drawn to Sniffies because it’s easy to be as anonymous as they’d like. It’s also easy to find glory holes and cruising locales for a quick hook up. Kinksters and horndogs are on Sniffies because they know it’s the quickest no bullshit way to hook up.
Best for? Keying into the cruising scene, anonymous hook ups, cam to cam situations on LivePlay.
Downsides? DL guys don’t love sending pictures right away, so you may need to do some cajoling before you see who you’re messaging.
Scruff
“Saw you’re a realtor...
I’m actually looking for a new apartment”
“uh...ok...pics?”
Who’s on it? A lot of daddies, bears, and muscley guys. Ostensibly scruff is for hairier guys, but it’s large enough that there’s a pretty diverse crowd.
Best for? Finding your exact sexual match, and sending whole albums of pictures at once. Scruff gives users more space to add info about themselves and their sexual preferences than most other apps, so you can really get a sense of who you’re talking to, and weed out who you’re not trying to meet.
Downsides? Sometimes more isn’t better. I don’t really want to know what a guy does for work if I’m meeting him for a quick hook up.
Tinder
“Hey cutie, what’s up” “Hello?” “Hellooooooo?”
Who’s on it? Lots of dudes looking to date. Or find a husband. Spend a weekend on Tinder, and it’s a virtual guarantee that you’ll meet five guys named Kyle who want a “partner in crime”.
Best for? Hopefully getting some free drinks, finding a serious relationship, mindless swiping.
Downsides? You may get a ton of matches, but a lot of people don’t actually follow that up with a message, so the matches tend to not go anywhere.
“That trip to Thailand looks beautiful”
“Thank you! It was!”
“Wanna see pics of my butt?
*read at 2:30PM*”
Who’s on it? Every person you’ve ever met. Every. Single. One.
Best for? Posting selfies, sliding into DMs to lay the groundwork for a meet up, staring at photos of someone else’s aspiration vacation to Thailand.
Downsides? IG isn’t a traditional digital hook up space, so you definitely have to spend some time making sure your flirtation is welcome, and not coming off as creepy.
“Hey!”
“Do I know you?”
“Yeah, you’re friends with my brother’s girlfriend’s neice’s soccer coach”
Who’s on it? Your parents, all your aunts, every person you went to highschool with, 9/11 conspiracy theorists.
Best for? Facebook Flirting is rare nowadays, but it does indeed happen. What’s more, Facebook’s ‘People You May Know’ algorithm is pretty uncanny, so if you pass a cutie on the street, you may see him in your feed the next day.
Downsides? Many. Facebook has some pretty wack privacy policies, not to mention the whole platform is inundated with pro-Trump russian bots. It’s not an ideal place to meet guys, but you can if you really set your mind to it.
OkCupid
“Hello would you like to date for three years and then get married”
“yes”
“Perfect”
Who’s on it? OKCupid has one of the largest user bases of all the apps, and a solid reputation. There are a lot of different guys ok OKC, but in general they’re looking for relationships, so if hooking up is your thing, this may be a rocky road for you.
Best for? Finding a dang husband, or at least upping your flirtatious messaging game.
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Downsides? OKCupid creates matches by having you answer (endless) questions - the more you answer the more accurate your matching will supposedly be. How many people do you know that are self aware enough to answer questions about themselves honestly, though?