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The first time I ever truly thought I was going to die was because of Grindr. Standing outside a door in a neighborhood I didn’t know very well, waiting for someone I’d never met to come down and let me in, I thought to myself, *Nobody would know where to find my body if I disappeared.
Hook-up apps are a complete delight in a thousand ways, but it is truly astonishing how completely we put our need for some bomb-ass D over any sense of caution. I have leapt into the cars of strangers on continents I had never been to before. I have found myself in dark, secluded corners of cities I called home with no idea how to get home. Every time, dicks were wrapped and boundaries established, but I’d let other forms of safety fall by the wayside.
Back to that day, in front of a heavy metal door, before a man came down to fetch me, I decided to send a text to my friends: Here’s his address. Everything seems fine. If you haven’t heard from me in 12 hours, send emergency services here. That man ended up being my boyfriend for several months, but why was I even taking that gamble? Why was I so ashamed of what I was doing that I wasn’t even considering my safety?
Grindr, Scruff, and all of their ilk are rarely dangerous places, and even then, I’ve felt more at risk from long-term partners than I have at the hands of strangers. There is a subterranean, secretive side of hook-ups that's thrilling—is there anything more joyous than slipping out of a General Election viewing party to engage in watersports (look it up, my straight allies) at a nearby hotel and then returning like nothing happened? But then also comes the risks of just disappearing into the night to meet a stranger sprawled naked in his shower unit.
There must be a balance between clandestine tryst and treating your own life with very little respect. Going to a stranger’s door wasn’t just sexy for me; it was the product of gay male history. We've long needed to use codes and dark corners to find affection when we were told we were illegal. I didn’t need to do that now, and more importantly, it was no longer shrewd or erotic to slip into the night for hanky-panky: I should trust and respect my friends and community enough to tell them where I’m going.
And when friends decide to leave drinks for a quick threesome, it’s my responsibility to make sure they feel I’ve got their back. The first time I saw straight female friends demanding the addresses and ETAs of their friends’ new slampieces, wanting texts when they arrived, wanting updates, I was shocked at how unfettered their paranoia was. But then I saw the gratitude in their friends’ faces that somebody was worried about them. No matter how overbearing, the response was the same: Thank you for deeming my safety just as important as my orgasm.
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